Over the past couple weeks, an alumni group has surfaced on Facebook for people who graduated from the same high school as me during the nineties. There's talk of an all class reunion next summer, and someone started the group to get the actual event planned. I joined the group, because I'm always happy to see big events being organized for my old hometown.
The group became a spot where people started posting photos from back in the day, as well as photos of their lives now: kids, vacations, and what they've been up to since graduation. At first, it was fun. Then, it started jogging bad memories. I started to think about the insecure girl who vandalized my car at the mall, because she didn't want me talking to her boyfriend (who was my ex, who until that point I was on good terms with). I started to think about the guy in the hallway who told me I'd be prettier if I wasn't so fat.
I have revisited this time in my life already safely in my therapist's office. I went through some life-defining trauma the summer before I started high school, so large portions of that time were blacked out, because that's what trauma does to your brain. I eventually was able to remember some of the sweet things about that time, which was nice. I have good memories in my newswriting class. Class trips were nice.
But overall, high school was a blip on my radar. I had to do high school in order to get on with my life. Although I've been through hell and back, my life now is exactly the life I wanted when i was first graduating high school. I wanted to marry a musician, be a writer and photographer, travel a ton, and live in a cool apartment. I wanted to have nice, creative, funny friends who make amazing art, and who cheer each other on, no matter what. Mission accomplished.
So, I probably won't attend the reunion. I don't care to make amends with anyone, or see anyone after all these years. I've missed my last two class reunions (20th and 25th) because I was out of town seeing The Hold Steady both times. I'll continue to do things I love instead of doing things that make me feel like shit.