Skip to main content


I had a moment last night that showed me some real growth as far as my interactions with morons in the wild.

We went out to a show that I was covering for one of my four jobs. The room that the show was in was shaped really awkwardly, so it was hard to find a spot to take photos without blocking someone's view. So, I popped in behind a girl in a chair, and took a few pictures and a short video. (Please note: This was all in a span of less than 90 seconds.)

I was putting my phone in my pocket, when I smell a gust of stale beer breath in my ear. I look, and this bloated man with greasy grey hair says to me, "you know, you take up a lot of space."

I was instantly hot heated MAD. And embarrassed. I felt it coursing through my veins; that familiar tinge of anxiety and self-loathing that I haven't felt in quite a while. My face was hot. I looked at him and said, "oh, you do, too. Sorry!" And I walked back to where my husband was. Greasy said something else, but I had already left that situation, which translates into me slightly disassociating from my surroundings until I feel safe again.

In the past, I would have left. I would've sacrificed the rest of my evening to let a comment ruin my evening. But, I saw this same guy get into an argument with a few other people, over the same thing. I've seen this guy at other shows, and he's consistently been a mean old creep. I thought to myself about how terrible it must be to be that lonely and miserable, that you would go to a performance (it wasn't a concert in a club) and pick fights with strangers.

And also, I DO take up space. Every person does. We're all skin and guts and bones just sloshing ourselves around from one place to another. And I know personally, I'm taking up way less space than I used to. I feel better. And I don't care what other people think about that.

So, I let the moment pass. I stayed for the rest of the performance. And Greasy got up and left immediately at the end. He had to walk through a crowd of people who were making fun of how aggressive he was during a performance that wasn't aggressive. I felt bad for him, but I also let that feeling pass.


Popular posts from this blog

Hi There!

I am very bad at keeping websites updated! 

Until then, find me over on instagram @flannelkimono and @j.anshutz

I'm also on Twitter @flannelkimono

The picture above, Heavy Metta, will be a part of 24, at Summit Artspace starting April 13!

Be Honest.

I went out to breakfast with my dad today. He had a vintage vanity that my sister was giving to me; I love everything about the vanity, so I wasn't going to let her just get rid of it. So my dad packed it into the back of his big ridiculous truck, and waited for a day that Kurt and I would be able to lug the damn thing up the stairs. We celebrated with various eggs and breakfast meats.

I called to get an update on my mom, as I do every day around mid day, and sometimes in the evening. I got a nurse today I had never spoken to; he had a very deep, matter-of-fact voice. I asked how she was doing, and he said she was stable, and about the same as before. Then, out of nowhere, he said, "you know, she's just going to be like this until she gets her liver. We're keeping her stable so that she can do that. But she's not going to improve until the transplant happens."

And for a goddamned second, that stung. But almost immediately, I appreciated his honesty.

My mom ha…

Everything Good Can Be Bad.

I feel like i've made a breakthrough in my own writing.

I have lived a life that is full of situations and people that make for great stories. I've run around with bands, broken into buildings, stayed the night with strangers from the internet,  things like that, and the stories I come up with are always hilarious.

But with some of the other stories (which are also good), I struggle with telling them, because in telling them, I look like an asshole. And I'm not comfortable with that, so I just don't tell the story, or I tell them in a way that comes off as defensive. And I don't want to be defensive anymore.

Over the past eight years, I have gone through some insanely tough restructuring of my life, and how I live within it. And during that time, there were some situations where yes, I was in the wrong, and yes, I acted like a total asshole. I've been the other woman. I've used people. I've lied a lot, because it was less painful than telling the truth…