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I Think I Might Be Ready.

Ever since Livejournal died, I've had problems trying to blog. I start strong; write a ton of posts, get a great response. But then I lose interest, or get freaked out by putting myself too out there, and I delete everything.

I've only realized recently that the reason I lose interest is because i'm not writing about what interests me. I don't care much about sharing outfit of the day posts, or writing about past hurt or people who don't matter to me anymore.

I went to a festival in Atlanta over the weekend. While I was there, I saw some of my favorite bands, as well as bands I had been dying to see. I gave my +1 to a woman that a show friend of mine said I needed to meet, and he was right.

At one point, we wanted to escape the sun and the expensive beer, so we went to the bar in my hotel (which, by the way, was a revolving rooftop bar. Totally dope.). We ended up talking pretty candidly not only about our mutual love of a certain band, but also about our personal lives, good and bad. Music talk intertwined with the personal talk, as it almost always does when you talk to me.

Music has been the one constant in my life. When I was a kid, we didn't have a lot of money. I would rent various cassettes (and eventually CDs) from the library, as well as magazines like Spin and Rolling Stone. I would also go to the mall and spend hours in the book stores, reading other music magazines. When I got into my teens, I started writing to penpals that I met through various music magazines. We would trade tapes of our favorite songs along with long letters about our lives. I fell in love with the guy who became my first boyfriend, because he was the only other kid in school who wore a Dinosaur Jr. shirt. I went to my first concert in 1988. Lollapalooza in 1991 changed my life. I started traveling to shows shortly after graduating high school. I quit college to follow a band.

I have dated men whose names have all but faded from my memory, but I can still tell you who their favorite bands were. I am that friend who always has the perfect album to recommend, because I pay attention to the people I love, and I know what they like.

Since my first show, i've been to thousands of shows, all over the place. It's not unusual for me to go and see the same band over multiple nights. Because honestly, I forget a lot. I went through a lot of trauma in my life, so my brain is still set to forget mode most of the time. However, the one thing I never forget is how shows make me feel. Shows are a lot of fun. I love to get as close as possible. I love to sing every word. I love to go with friends and drink too much and get a little rowdy. I love not only meeting musicians, but also meeting cool, like-minded fans.

I've seen a lot, and learned a lot out on the road, in those divey little bars in the middle of nowhere. And I'm realizing now that the older I get, the more I want to share my experiences with other people. I've joked that the only thing I could ever retire from in my life currently is rock and roll, because i've put so much time into it over the years. But there's no way I'm going to retire.

I'm just getting started.


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"Are you depressed?" the quiz asked me.

"Not right now, but I mean, most of the other time, absolutely," I thought to myself.

I clicked the circles, the scales between 1 and 10, I thought about my last two weeks, and I clicked "submit".

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